Why Failing is Actually the Best Way to Grow

Imagine you are a small child again. You are trying to learn how to ride a bicycle. You get on the seat, you hold the handles, and you push the pedals. For two seconds, you are moving! But then, the bike wobbles. You lose your balance and—thud—you fall onto the grass.

Your knee might hurt a little. You might feel like crying. You might even feel a bit silly because your friends were watching.

In that moment, you have two choices:

The second choice is what we call learning from failure.

In this blog post, we are going to talk about why failing is not a bad thing. In fact, failing is like a secret superpower. If you know how to use it, failing will help you grow faster and become a much stronger person. We will use very simple words to explain how you can turn every "bad" mistake into a "good" lesson.

Failure is a word that sounds scary. Many people think failure means "the end." They think it means they are not smart or not good enough.

But let’s look at failure in a new way.

Failure is just information. It is life’s way of saying, "That path is blocked. Try a different path."

Think of a scientist in a lab. If they try to make a new medicine and it doesn't work the first time, they don't cry and quit. They write down, "Formula A did not work." Now they are smarter because they know one thing that doesn't work. They are one step closer to the thing that does work.

Before we talk about how to grow, we must talk about why failing hurts. It is okay to admit that it feels bad!

When we fail at something—like a test at school, a project at work, or even a relationship—our brain feels a bit of "pain." We might feel:

These feelings are normal. Every person on earth feels this way. Even the richest and most famous people in the world feel sad when they fail. The difference is what they do after they feel sad.

In a real school, a teacher tells you the lesson first, and then gives you a test.

In the "School of Life," it is the opposite. Life gives you the test first, and the test is the lesson.

Here is why failing is a better teacher than winning:

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When you win all the time, you don't ask questions. You just keep going. But when you fail, you have to stop. You have to look at what happened. This "stopping" is where the growth happens.

If life was always easy, you would be like a soft pillow. But when you face hard times and get back up, you become like a strong piece of wood. The more you get back up, the harder it is for life to keep you down.

Failure shows you what you really care about. If you fail at something and you still want to try again, it means you really love that thing. If you fail and you don't care, maybe that thing wasn't for you anyway.

When something goes wrong, don't just walk away. Use these four steps to get the "lesson" out of the mistake.

If your best friend failed, would you tell them they are "stupid" or "useless"? No! You would give them a hug and say, "It’s okay. You can try again."

You must be your own best friend. Take a deep breath. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but I am still a good person." You cannot learn if you are busy being mean to yourself.

Once you are calm, act like a detective. Look at the situation and ask:

Example: If you cooked a meal and it burned, don't just say "I am a bad cook." Ask, "Why did it burn?" Maybe the fire was too high. Maybe you walked away to look at your phone. Now you have a specific reason!

Turn your "Why" into a "Lesson."

Don't try to change everything at once. Just pick one small thing to do differently next time. Small changes lead to big growth.

There are two ways to think about your brain.

When you engage in activities for personal growth, you are choosing the "Growth Mind." You realize that every "No" or every "Mistake" is actually just a step on a ladder.

Let’s look at some common failures and see how we can learn from them in simple ways.

The Failure: You went for an interview, but they picked someone else.

The Sad Feeling: You feel like you aren't good enough for any job.

The Learning: You call the office and ask for feedback. They say you were great, but you didn't know how to use a certain computer program.

The Growth: You spend the next week watching videos to learn that program. Now, you are a better worker than you were before!

The Failure: You got a low grade on a math test.

The Sad Feeling: You feel embarrassed and want to hide the paper.

The Learning: You look at the paper and see that you got all the "division" questions wrong.

The Growth: You ask a friend to help you with division for 10 minutes. Next time, you will get those questions right.

The Failure: You were playing a sport or a video game and you lost.

The Sad Feeling: You feel angry and want to quit.

The Learning: You realize the other team won because they passed the ball more.

The Growth: You practice passing with your teammates. You learn that working together is better than playing alone.

Sometimes we think that successful people just "won" from the start. But that is never true. Almost every famous person has a big story of failure.

If these people had quit after the first "No," the world would be a very different place.

It is hard to learn when you are feeling very sad. Here are simple ways to keep your head up so you can find the lesson.

Ask yourself: "Will this mistake matter in 5 years?"

Keep a "Growth Journal." When you make a mistake, write it down. Then write down one good thing you learned from it. This helps your brain focus on the "win" instead of the "loss."

Sometimes we are too close to our own problems. A friend can look at your failure and say, "Hey, don't worry! You did this part really well. You just need to fix this small thing."

If you are too angry or sad, you won't learn anything. Go for a walk. Sleep on it. Often, the lesson is much easier to see the next morning.

If you are a parent or a friend, you can help others grow too.

Personal growth is like climbing a mountain. Every failure is just a rock that you use to step higher. Without those rocks, you would just be standing at the bottom of the mountain.

Remember:

If you keep learning from your failures, there is nothing in this world that can stop you from growing.

Stay Balanced
Dave